he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
