Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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