4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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