i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
