Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
