did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
