Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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