Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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