Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your penis caused this!
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