Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
