You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
