You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
