The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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