my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
