Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
