In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
