I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
