heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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