Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
