bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
