Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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