Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
