According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
