We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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