I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
