Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
