At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
