Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im part way to drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
