Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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