just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
