What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
