So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
