I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
