I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
