She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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