My Higher Power is John Stamos
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
