I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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