Christians are straight up FREAKS
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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