yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
