dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
