He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
