he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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