Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
