All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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