does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
