Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
