So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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