I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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