forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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