I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
