That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
