Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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